


Cherry Softness

by anxiousdraco



Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: AU, F/F, I promise I love her dearly, I'm sorry if this sucks, I'm sorry that Patty isn't in this, Probably OOC I'm sorry, a little angsty but happY ENDING, autistic!holtz, i thought of it while listening to cherry by moose blood, i wrote it in a rush, song fic i guess???, this has been stuck in my head for for EVER
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-17
Updated: 2017-02-17
Packaged: 2018-09-25 05:49:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9805328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anxiousdraco/pseuds/anxiousdraco
Summary: Based loosely on Cherry by Moose Blood."Look at me now, I'm engaged to be married,I'm only 23 and I've got myself a family.She's not mine and she never will be,I'm reminded every day.She's not mine and it fucking kills me,She won't look at me that way."In which Holtz and Erin part ways, Erin is engaged to Phil, but they both know it's not right.





	

_There's only one place that I wanna be,_  
_It's home with you, girl, so I can hear you breathe._  
_With your hair up like you do,_  
_And that face that you give me when you've missed me._  
[…]  
_Look at me now, I'm engaged to be married,_  
_I'm only 23 and I've got myself a family._  
_She's not mine and she never will be,_  
_I'm reminded every day._  
_She's not mine and it fucking kills me,_  
_She won't look at me that way._

::

// Mid 2014 //

“Just try it. I know it’s a blind date but I promise you’ll love her.” Abby tried for about the tenth time.

Erin had recently come out as pansexual and Abby was viciously trying to get her a date with someone other than a boring straight guy. Holtzmann was a perfect match for Erin. Holtz was crazy and wild and Erin was soft and relatively boring — they would perfectly balance each other out.

“Fine. I’ll go. But if it ends badly I’m never taking your dating advice again, got it?”  
“Ahh! Yay! That’s fair I guess but I _know_ it won’t go badly. Promise.” Abby was swaying with excitement.

::

 _Okay, Holtz, it’s just another date with another girl. This is completely normal. Just like any other date._ Except…it wasn’t. It was with Erin Goddamn Gilbert, her favorite scientist who she’d been in love with from afar for God knows how long. _Holtzmann. You are a lady extraordinaire. You. Got. This._

Holtzmann then realized she had been standing outside Abby’s apartment for almost ten minutes without knocking. She built up all her strength. She could do this. She was Jillian motherfuckin’ Holtzmann.

She rapped on the door softly. In an instant, she was met with a hug from Abby. “Holtz! I’m so excited, you have no idea.” Abby smelled like roses and coffee. 

_I wonder what Erin smells like…_

Holtz walked into the room and saw Erin standing sheepishly behind the little kitchen counter. Instantly, Holtz knew she was in love. She felt like the wind had been knocked out of her and she had no idea how to speak.

“H-hi, I’m, uh, Erin Gi—“ Erin began but was cut off by her blind date.

“Erin Gilbert, professor of particle physics at the esteemed Columbia University!” Holtz mentally noted to tone it down a bit.

Erin blushed wildly and it made Holtzmann melt even more. “Y-yeah,” she laughed softly.

“Well! I made you lovely ladies reservations at the nice little 4-star restaurant down the street, so have fun and be safe!” Abby exclaimed, practically shoving them out of the apartment. “Love you both!”

::

When Erin sat down to her dinner with Holtzmann she had to admit she was a little smitten. Holtzmann had such an interest in her and had read all her publications. It was so nice to be appreciated. She was having fun, and Holtz was such a radiant character. She enjoyed this, the food, the company, the smile she couldn’t get off her face.

When the food was finished and the check paid for, they walked back to Erin and Abby’s apartment and didn’t want to part.

“I loved tonight. I adore you, Jillian Holtzmann. I do.”

“And I, you, Dr. Erin Gilbert. See you another time then?”

“Oh, of course.” 

They had a chaste goodnight kiss and Erin slept happily, dreaming of blonde curls and yellow glasses. Holtzmann stayed up all night, drawing, writing. Erin was everything she needed in life and she was glad to finally have her.

::

Weeks turned to months, and months turned to a year. Jillian Holtzmann and Erin Gilbert were in love, in every sense of the phrase. They made love softly. They made art together. Worked on equations together. It was the honeymoon phase. It was the best relationship either of them had ever had. They spent every night together, cuddled in bed with Erin delicately playing with Holtzy’s curls and Holtz’s arm traipsed over Erin’s body. It was bliss.

But this bliss was coming to an end. Erin began to feel shut out by Holtz, who was, of late, stuck in her own headspace, caving in on herself and letting no one in. Erin was trying to give her girlfriend space but Holtz needed more than she could give. 

Holtz began locking herself in her lab and ignoring everyone. She worked all day and all night with little to no sleep. She stopped taking her medication. She stopped caring about everything except science. No one had any idea what happened.

But Erin, who had a soft but constant need for affection, couldn’t take it. Holtz snapped on her one night, saying she did love Erin but she wasn’t healthy right now and didn’t want to bring her down with her. Holtzmann kissed Erin for the last time, and told her she loved her but Erin had to move on. And so their honeymoon relationship ended.

::

// Late 2016 //

It had been about a year since Holtzmann broke up with Erin and she was doing better. She had a date tonight, and she was slowly but surely forgetting her soulmate. Erin admitted it to herself. Holtzmann was her soulmate, but sometimes things just don’t work out. So she had to move on. Maybe Holtz was her soulmate, but she wasn’t Holtz’s. Who knows. Either way, she had to forget. She had to forget how Holtzmann loved her, and hurt her, and she had to get her love life going again. 

Erin arrived at the restaurant of her date’s choosing — something fancy — and found him seated in a small booth in the front corner. She sat down and reintroduced herself.

“Phil? Hi, I’m Erin.”  
“Hello, Erin. How are you doing this evening?” Phil asked. He seemed professional even outside of his job at Columbia. It was kind of weird.

“Uh, I’m doing well, I guess. How about you?” Erin responded, careful.

“I’m feeling lovely now that I can finally sit down and have a conversation with you.” He smiled sweetly, and touched Erin’s hand.

She wanted to recoil, to turn in on herself. But she sat through it. She let him touch her hand, she let him flirt, and she attempted to flirt back. She still felt empty though. No one could fill Erin’s heart like Holtzmann did.

Even so, they had a good date. 

::

// Mid 2017 // 

Erin was surprised, to say the least. She and Phil had been together for a little over 9 months but she was not expecting him to propose. But as she stood in her classroom, filled with students in awe, she responded, softly. “Of course, Phil. Yes.”

Abby was happy for her of course but still felt upset. It had been almost two years since Erin and Holtzmann had parted ways and she was the only one still not over it. They were so good together, and now Holtz is in California and Erin is getting married to someone who doesn’t deserve her in the slightest. These past few years had been rocky for her and she needed Erin, but now she was going to be stuck planning her wedding to a sack of garbage who was nowhere near as great a person as Holtz. But this is how things are now, and that was that.

::

Holtzmann logged onto Skype for her weekly update from Abby. She never asked about Erin because it hurt too much but, God in heaven, did she miss her soulmate. It hurt so, so fucking bad to be without her all these years. If only she had stayed on her damn medication, she wouldn’t be in California. She would be in bed with Erin. Oh, Erin.

Abby called her and bared the news. Erin was getting…married. To a guy who Abby claims wasn’t worthy. Holtzmann was impulsive and opened up Chrome to book a flight — she had to stop this — but Abby knew what she was doing and told her not to. It took thirty minutes of arguing for Holtz to decide not to go behind Abby’s back and show up. But Abby knew Erin and Holtz and knew that it would only end in pain for both of them. Holtz cried herself to sleep that night. And the next. And before she knew it, she had been crying for two months, and the wedding was coming up and she still missed Erin motherfucking Gilbert, soon to be Erin motherfucking Whatever. She sobbed into her pillow instead of going to work.

::

Erin was sitting in her dressing room before the wedding. In three hours she would be married to Phil. But over the past three months of hectic wedding planning, she couldn’t help but think of Jillian. At night, she dreamed of walking down the aisle, only to see Holtz in a nicely fitted suit, waiting for her at the altar. She woke up sad on those mornings. 

Erin had to admit it to herself. She stared in her dressing room mirror and talked to herself, careful not to ruin her makeup.

“Holtzmann doesn’t love you.  
You don’t love Holtzmann.  
It’s been years.  
Move on.  
She would never look at you that way.  
She doesn’t have feelings for you.  
She doesn’t miss you.  
It might kill you.  
But Jillian Holtzmann has no feelings for you.”

She repeated all of these phrases endlessly, endlessly, crying her makeup off in record timing with the door locked and Abby begging to be let in.

“Erin! Erin let me in! Don’t shut me out! I need you! ERIN!” Abby was crying too but Erin was too numb to notice. She couldn’t do this. She couldn’t marry Phil. All these months, he was a distraction from her true feelings, she was still in love with Holtzmann. Even if Holtz didn’t reciprocate anymore it was true and true and true, Erin was still in love with Holtzmann.

::

Abby had been sitting outside the door listening to Erin cry. She didn’t know what to do. Erin wasn’t going to open the door and it’s not like she could kick it down. She facetimed Holtzmann.

“Holtz. Please tell me you didn’t listen to me and you’re in New York City right now.”  
“You know it, baby.”

Holtz admitted she had been in New York for a couple days, building up the nerve to tell Erin how she felt. All she needed was a sign, and, well. She had one now.

Holtz ran to the tiny church they were having the ceremony at. She decked it, full speed, not caring that she was going to be sweaty and gross by the time she got to Erin. Because all that mattered, all that has ever mattered and ever will, was Erin Gilbert.

::

Erin had stopped crying but was still sobbing internally. Phil had asked to come in and she denied. She had stripped from her gown and was sitting in her bra and underwear, sulking. Erin was so unbelievably numb. After awhile, it grew silent and she was thankful.

Until she heard work boots.

Coming down the hall.

Stopping outside the door.

“Erin, open the door.”

_No. No, Erin was making this up, this wasn’t happening. Holtzmann wasn’t here. This was just her hallucinating._

“Erin, I said open the Goddamn door before I kick it the fuck in.” Holtzmann’s words stung a little, but Erin needed that.

She opened the door, and the dam broke again. Although Erin felt all cried out, the tears came anyway.

Erin and her soulmate sunk to the floor and cried together. The embrace was unbreakable. They had both needed this for so, so long.

“Jillian, I love you. I love you to the ends of the earth and even beyond that, I never want to be without you again. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for letting this happen. I love you, I love you, I love you. You are my angel and my rock and I’m sorry.” Erin was rambling before Holtz cut her off in a kiss.

“Oh, God, I love you too, Erin. I will always love you. I love you. I’m sorry for shutting you out, I’m sorry for not caring enough, and I’m sorry I ever hurt you.”

They sat like that for some time. Phil was nowhere to be found. Abby had apparently told him to “Get the fuck away from Erin and stay away from her.”

Holtz and Abby and Erin were all in a gigantic hug and they cried together.

After an hour or so, Erin thought out loud, “Fuck, though, I wasted so much money on this. I paid for most of it and now I don’t have a wedding to put on.”

Holtz smiled. “Or do you?”

Holtz got on one knee, took her Screw U necklace off and proposed to Erin. Erin cried again. At this rate her tear ducts were going to be dry forever when this was over.

Erin and Holtz got married. The ceremony was short and loving and soft.

Abby was smiling like the sun the whole time, and Erin and Holtz went back to Erin’s apartment, and made love for the first time in years. It was just as electric as before, if not more.

Holtz was happy and Erin was ecstatic. They were finally where they belonged.

“I love you, Holtz.”

“I love you, Erin. Forever.”

**Author's Note:**

> THANK YOU I LOVE YOU ALL !! It's not my best work but I kinda just threw it up, lmao. Thank you for reading. <3


End file.
